New Year - New Me! De-cluttering My Art Studio And My Mind

Trying to see into the future is hard. Living in the past is even harder. I've been cleaning and sorting the art studio and working on de-cluttering my life in other ways lately. Cleaning my working space has lead to reflection and looking back over my past artwork and deciding how I want to move into the future - What skills to keep perfecting, what skills to add, and what to set aside for now, and what to just let go of altogether. This is not an easy task!

2020 is going to be a great year to de-clutter and de-stress

After 4+ decades of being 'an artist', I can see now that most of the best work I did in the past, even commissioned work, was not forced or done on a schedule. The older I get the less I want to even try to make art on a schedule, and the more I feel I should spend time with it, sometimes just sitting with it and even sometimes to just walk away from it for a day, or a week, and check back on it occasionally while I wait for it to 'feel right' and 'just happen'.

4x4" acrylic dog portrait

As an artist, inspiration often just pops into my head (literally, I can see things I want to make in 3-D in my head) but manifesting the actual art it in a physical form is not always easy or straightforward, and I often get frustrated and blame myself when things don't turn out as planned. My head and my art studio are full of abandoned or just unmade art projects. If I had only realized, many years ago, that I needed to do more meditation and less flailing about, and that I should spend more time looking and feeling, and waste less energy pushing and 'making it work no matter what', how much better would my art be now? Ah well, live and learn I suppose.

One of my latest needlefelted dog portraits

So, moving into the future, I want to learn some new skills to add to and improve my artwork. I need to make my art more of an 'expression of myself' and less of what others expect me to 'produce'. There are more layers of me than what most people ever see.

Looking forward to putting more of the 'real' me into my work!

2020 is time to finally get REAL!

Now I'm going to get back to work de-cluttering my studio and my head.

Where did my life go?

Time... I have no sense of time... for me it does not tick by in uniform orderly minutes, days, weeks, years... it flows and dances and stops and eddies and starts and wavers and flashes.... it is transient and fluid and sometimes minutes pass like hours and days pass like seconds... and I often wonder where the time goes... I wonder how much longer this will take? or how did I miss that completely? or how did it get to be night already when I just woke up? or where did the last week.... or year... or 20 go?.... as Einstein pointed out... it's all relative... 

No I have not properly learned to weave yet... no... I have still not sold my house... no... my situation has not improved... (see previous blog posts) but I am seriously working on it... and so many things... but some days it's really hard to keep a grip on things...

In my defense... I have recently ascertained that I may behave Aspergers Spectrum Disorder - AS or 'High Functioning Autism'...  

How did I know? well, I took an online assessment test here:
Autism / Asperger's Quiz Use this quiz to help you determine if you might need to see a mental health professional for diagnosis and treatment of autism or Asperger's.

You can see what I am talking about here:

Adult Asperger’s: The Relief of A Diagnosis By Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D. ~ 5 min read 

 "The following are criteria for Aspergers that have been excerpted from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV):

1. Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:
   • Marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, and gestures to regulate social interaction
   • Failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
   • A lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interest or achievements with other people, (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
   • lack of social or emotional reciprocity
2. Restricted repetitive & stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests and activities
3. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairments in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
4. There is no clinically significant general delay in language
5. There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction) and curiosity about the environment in childhood."

 and here:

Asperger’s Syndrome By Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. ~ 3 min read

"Although the social criteria for Asperger’s Disorder (also known as Asperger’s Syndrome or AS) and autism are identical, AS usually involves fewer symptoms and presents differently than autism.
Individuals with Asperger’s Disorder often isolate themselves, but they’re still aware of the presence of others, even though the way they approach people can be inappropriate and even peculiar. For example, they might have a one-sided and long-winded conversation with a person — usually an adult — about an unusual and narrow topic.
Also, although individuals with Asperger’s are often self-described loners, they usually express great interest in making friends and meeting people. Unfortunately, their awkward approach, insensitivity to other’s feelings and odd facial expressions and body language (e.g., signs of boredom, quick to leave, avoiding eye contact or staring inappropriately) make developing relationships difficult. This can lead to chronic frustration. Even worse, some individuals get so upset that they develop symptoms of depression, which may require treatment, including medication."

I possibly also have ADHD?ADD, OCD, Anxiety Disorder, Depression and PTSD (I was diagnosed with the last 2 years ago) and well, if you know me at all, then you can see that it certainly explains a LOT of what has gone wrong in my life... now just how can I use this new knowledge to my benefit and proceed with my life from this point on free of the labels that have been hurled at me for the last 50 years....

 Only time will tell....